what I do instead

Written By Lynn Dorman, Ph.D.  |  Happier  |  0 Comments

list of resolutions

It’s THAT time of the year — again [sigh]

My inbox and social media feeds are filled with mail/posts selling me on the advantages of:

  • planners
  • courses about planning
  • products on how to use AI to make my year “better” “great” “etc.”
  • health-related info on starting the year off the “right” way
  • making resolutions [personal and business]
  • and more…

Except for the AI which is sort of new this year — the posting and the emails are the same every December and January.

But last year some of it started back earlier in the Fall because everyone knows:

“I have to get your attention about January 2024 in the middle of the summer or early fall or else you won't buy my product.”

It’s fine if you do the above - and even better if making resolutions works for you…

I no longer make them.

I used to.

I’d read a lot of that “how to succeed” stuff, that “guru” stuff, that “my friends say this works” stuff, and would make a list of what I would accomplish in the upcoming year….

Then at some point during the year, I’d look at my resolution list and laugh [or cry] as so little of it ever got done! Or done with any degree of consistency.

So I stopped making New Year resolutions. It seemed to not be good for my mental health OR my productivity. My brain doesn't like lists!!

I've discovered that I am not alone. Many, if not most, people did not follow theirs either.

Especially these:

"I am going to exercise every day” resolution or “I am going to lose X pounds this year” or “I am going to lose 5 pounds a month.”


And work-related resolutions?

The “I will write a post a day,” or “I will write a book before Summer,” or I will do X by Y time frame.

Ditto the very popular “I will be making $XXX a month by the end of March or April” type of resolution.

These resolutions generally do not work.

Why? We tend to set impossible resolutions or standards for ourselves. They are often more wishful thinking than actual planned-out behaviors. Not sticking to these resolutions may make us feel like failures so early in the new year, and yes, the ad people play into this guilt.

Watch ads early in the year and note those aimed at making us feel guilt and shame over NOT keeping resolutions. They may not be direct, but they are aimed at guilt making!!

my insteads 

With two major professional degrees and several accolades, I know I am not a failure.

I actually CAN and DO accomplish things - but I have ceased the resolution-type thinking and adopted a more casual approach to my life. It took some hard work on my part to re-think the business/life model that keeps telling us we “need” to make a yearly, monthly, daily plan… or else!


I choose "or else"


Opting for the “or else” works for me! 

Every choice can be the “correct way!"


I let my mind wander!

I now enjoy late December/early January as we get an added minutes of daylight every afternoon. 

I use this light/dark scenario to reflect, have fun, and think about my work - but not make any of this into resolutions,
to-do lists, or anything tightly scheduled!


I do a non-journal kind of journaling

I call it my mental meandering but it’s more like a brain dump. This is one activity I do most every day but without the “I must do it” kind of thinking, so I often don't do this. And that’s okay!

Apple has made this easier for me as they released a journal app and I have started using that app - but still not every day - I figure a few days a week [maybe] works for me.

I hate ringing telephones!

ringing telephone

When I was a kid, actually probably until well into my high school days, I loved talking on the phone to my friends. Then again telephones were relatively novel and they didn't ring constantly. When they rang it was a person you knew who calling for someone in your household.

By the time I got to graduate school, phones began to ring a lot more often. We didn't call them spam or scam calls at that at the time but my roommates and I just almost never answered our phone. We could let it ring and ring and ring and did not care. 

But over the years, I have had friends who have to answer telephones - they cannot stand to hear a phone ring without answering it. This even in the modern days of cell phones, caller ID, and with too many of your calls being of the spam scam variety-  they still answer..

I was the first of my friends to get one of those newfangled answering machines. It was the late 70s and it was one where the top lifted up and you put in 2 tapes. One tape was for your  or message and the other tape was for people to leave messages. It was expensive for those days and I remember going to Jordan Marsh in downtown Boston and paying approximately $250 for that machine. It lasted a long time, through a few moves, until it got zapped I think by some nearby lightning once and it became an a.m. radio station. 

That machine paid for it self the very first day. I set it up  after arriving home and then went about my business. Hours later I remembered I I had a machine. I went to my office and there were lights blinking. A message!  Inviting me to be a keynote speaker at an event! I called back said yes, and as I was going to paid more than the cost of the machine - from that point on it was a freebie.

smart phone

Now, most of us carry our "answering machines" in our pockets. It's actually a multi use computer that we can use to make phone calls. But if you are like many of us, phone calls are the leas used aspect. Even we elders text, use social media, etc. to connect and phone calls are becoming a rarer way to communicate.

And I can shut off the sound so I don't hear it ring!! Ah - I love modern technology!! 

PSA - please try to not answer your phone all the time... 1) it's rude and 2) it's usually a scammer.

Questions? Comments? Thank you!!

Do you make resolutions? Do they work for you? Or if not - what do you do - if anything? Please comment below and thank you for reading.  

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