what I do instead

Written By Lynn Dorman, Ph.D. | Happier | 0 Comments

It’s THAT time of the year — again [sigh]

My inbox and social media feeds are filled with mail/posts selling me on the advantages of:

planners
courses about planning
products on how to use AI to make my year “better” “great” “etc.”
health-related info on starting the year off the “right” way
making resolutions [personal and business]
and more…

Except for the AI which is sort of new this year — the posting and the emails are the same every December and January.

But last year some of it started back earlier in the Fall because everyone knows:

“I have to get your attention about January 2024 in the middle of the summer or early fall or else you won't buy my product.”

It’s fine if you do the above - and even better if making resolutions works for you…

I no longer make them.

I used to.

I’d read a lot of that “how to succeed” stuff, that “guru” stuff, that “my friends say this works” stuff, and would make a list of what I would accomplish in the upcoming year….

Then at some point during the year, I’d look at my resolution list and laugh [or cry] as so little of it ever got done! Or done with any degree of consistency.

So I stopped making New Year resolutions. It seemed to not be good for my mental health OR my productivity. My brain doesn't like lists!!

I've discovered that I am not alone. Many, if not most, people did not follow theirs either.

Especially these:

"I am going to exercise every day” resolution or “I am going to lose X pounds this year” or “I am going to lose 5 pounds a month.”

And work-related resolutions?

The “I will write a post a day,” or “I will write a book before Summer,” or I will do X by Y time frame.

Ditto the very popular “I will be making $XXX a month by the end of March or April” type of resolution.

These resolutions generally do not work.

Why? We tend to set impossible resolutions or standards for ourselves. They are often more wishful thinking than actual planned-out behaviors. Not sticking to these resolutions may make us feel like failures so early in the new year, and yes, the ad people play into this guilt.

Watch ads early in the year and note those aimed at making us feel guilt and shame over NOT keeping resolutions. They may not be direct, but they are aimed at guilt making!!

my insteads

With two major professional degrees and several accolades, I know I am not a failure.

I actually CAN and DO accomplish things - but I have ceased the resolution-type thinking and adopted a more casual approach to my life. It took some hard work on my part to re-think the business/life model that keeps telling us we “need” to make a yearly, monthly, daily plan… or else!

I choose "or else"

Opting for the “or else” works for me!

Every choice can be the “correct way!"

I let my mind wander!

I now enjoy late December/early January as we get an added minutes of daylight every afternoon.

I use this light/dark scenario to reflect, have fun, and think about my work - but not make any of this into resolutions,
to-do lists, or anything tightly scheduled!

I do a non-journal kind of journaling

I call it my mental meandering but it’s more like a brain dump. This is one activity I do most every day but without the “I must do it” kind of thinking, so I often don't do this. And that’s okay!

Apple has made this easier for me as they released a journal app and I have started using that app - but still not every day - I figure a few days a week [maybe] works for me.

We all have days where we are not as happy as we would like to be.

Or we are very unhappy.

Sometimes we are bordering on feeling depressed or really crappy and just not in a good place.

We want to be HAPPIER!!!

We know we have to leave that negativity, that negative space that we are living in, and do something more positive because that is better for us.. It's better for our health, it's better for the people around us, and we need to do something simple to help us leave that space. And leave it as quickly as possible.

I know from experience, personally and as a former therapist, that DOING SOMETHING is the hardest thing to do when we are trying to get out of that place when we are in it.

There are lists of things that you are "supposed" to do "to feel better" but in talking with some friends is that the easiest thing to do - something that takes no effort or little effort, no money, and very little of our selves in it is to do something nice for somebody else.

What is the easiest and nicest thing to do?

Just smile at the next person you see.

And if that makes you feel happier, smile at the person after that. You don't have to talk to them you just have to smile at them.

They will probably feel happier unless they walk away thinking who's that idiot that smiled at me - and you might feel happier because you've actually moved your mouth muscles into a smile.

Try it!

It takes very little effort. It takes absolutely no money and it doesn't require you doing anything other than moving the muscles around your mouth.

There are other things you can do to feel happier, but they take a bit more effort and those will be mentioned later and in the happiness course I am creating.

If you would like more information about the course, fill out the form below

Questions? Thoughts? Thank you!!

Do you make resolutions? Do they work for you? Or if not - what do you do - if anything? Please comment below and thank you for reading.

Here Is One Easy Way To Feel Happier