what I do instead

Written By Lynn Dorman, Ph.D.  |  Happier  |  0 Comments

list of resolutions

It’s THAT time of the year — again [sigh]

My inbox and social media feeds are filled with mail/posts selling me on the advantages of:

  • planners
  • courses about planning
  • products on how to use AI to make my year “better” “great” “etc.”
  • health-related info on starting the year off the “right” way
  • making resolutions [personal and business]
  • and more…

Except for the AI which is sort of new this year — the posting and the emails are the same every December and January.

But last year some of it started back earlier in the Fall because everyone knows:

“I have to get your attention about January 2024 in the middle of the summer or early fall or else you won't buy my product.”

It’s fine if you do the above - and even better if making resolutions works for you…

I no longer make them.

I used to.

I’d read a lot of that “how to succeed” stuff, that “guru” stuff, that “my friends say this works” stuff, and would make a list of what I would accomplish in the upcoming year….

Then at some point during the year, I’d look at my resolution list and laugh [or cry] as so little of it ever got done! Or done with any degree of consistency.

So I stopped making New Year resolutions. It seemed to not be good for my mental health OR my productivity. My brain doesn't like lists!!

I've discovered that I am not alone. Many, if not most, people did not follow theirs either.

Especially these:

"I am going to exercise every day” resolution or “I am going to lose X pounds this year” or “I am going to lose 5 pounds a month.”


And work-related resolutions?

The “I will write a post a day,” or “I will write a book before Summer,” or I will do X by Y time frame.

Ditto the very popular “I will be making $XXX a month by the end of March or April” type of resolution.

These resolutions generally do not work.

Why? We tend to set impossible resolutions or standards for ourselves. They are often more wishful thinking than actual planned-out behaviors. Not sticking to these resolutions may make us feel like failures so early in the new year, and yes, the ad people play into this guilt.

Watch ads early in the year and note those aimed at making us feel guilt and shame over NOT keeping resolutions. They may not be direct, but they are aimed at guilt making!!

my insteads 

With two major professional degrees and several accolades, I know I am not a failure.

I actually CAN and DO accomplish things - but I have ceased the resolution-type thinking and adopted a more casual approach to my life. It took some hard work on my part to re-think the business/life model that keeps telling us we “need” to make a yearly, monthly, daily plan… or else!


I choose "or else"


Opting for the “or else” works for me! 

Every choice can be the “correct way!"


I let my mind wander!

I now enjoy late December/early January as we get an added minutes of daylight every afternoon. 

I use this light/dark scenario to reflect, have fun, and think about my work - but not make any of this into resolutions,
to-do lists, or anything tightly scheduled!


I do a non-journal kind of journaling

I call it my mental meandering but it’s more like a brain dump. This is one activity I do most every day but without the “I must do it” kind of thinking, so I often don't do this. And that’s okay!

Apple has made this easier for me as they released a journal app and I have started using that app - but still not every day - I figure a few days a week [maybe] works for me.

Tova and kayak

I don't really mind the rain. Well, to be honest, I don't mind a rainy day once in a while - or a day that has rain with lots of sun breaks. What I don't like or days where it rains all day every day - days on end. Although - given that I moved to the pacific northwest it's hard to avoid the rain.

Except for a few winters and springs since I have been here, the rain has not bothered me. Probably because I have a dog and dogs love to get walked no matter what the weather is. So I walk no matter what the weather is and I've done that my entire life. It doesn't matter where I have lived, or how old I was, dogs need to be walked.

I had already been thinking this week that I needed to do more fun type things like get my bike back out and ride it or push my kayak in the river and go for a kayak trip - and interestingly the blog challenge for today was to do something fun and post about it. It's almost as if my mind was being read. Except that it is not only raining fairly heavily at times, it's clouded over, it's dreary, and it's what most people would just call a lazy day.

And the photo shows my dog and my kayak on a sunnier day. Now the kayak is pulled up on the ramp so it does not fill with rain.

When the rain let up a little bit I took the dog for a nice leisurely walk. It will possibly be our only walk of the day so I gave her a chance to sniff every plant, every blade of grass, every pebble, every whatever not - so it took us a while to do our walk. She enjoyed it. 

Rest of my day has been pretty lazy. I decided since it was too wet to do the bike or the kayak I would just have a lazy day reading which is something that I love to do and have not done all that much of in the past couple of weeks. I can tell I've slowed down in my reading because the book is due back at the library soon and I have not quite finished it. Usually I read a book a week, but when I get on a writing/project roll, I slow down the fun reading. 

What do you do for fun on rainy days?

Thoughts?  Comments? Thank you!

Do you make resolutions? Do they work for you? Or if not - what do you do - if anything? Please comment below and thank you for reading.  

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