what I do instead

Written By Lynn Dorman, Ph.D. | Happier | 0 Comments

It’s THAT time of the year — again [sigh]

My inbox and social media feeds are filled with mail/posts selling me on the advantages of:

planners
courses about planning
products on how to use AI to make my year “better” “great” “etc.”
health-related info on starting the year off the “right” way
making resolutions [personal and business]
and more…

Except for the AI which is sort of new this year — the posting and the emails are the same every December and January.

But last year some of it started back earlier in the Fall because everyone knows:

“I have to get your attention about January 2024 in the middle of the summer or early fall or else you won't buy my product.”

It’s fine if you do the above - and even better if making resolutions works for you…

I no longer make them.

I used to.

I’d read a lot of that “how to succeed” stuff, that “guru” stuff, that “my friends say this works” stuff, and would make a list of what I would accomplish in the upcoming year….

Then at some point during the year, I’d look at my resolution list and laugh [or cry] as so little of it ever got done! Or done with any degree of consistency.

So I stopped making New Year resolutions. It seemed to not be good for my mental health OR my productivity. My brain doesn't like lists!!

I've discovered that I am not alone. Many, if not most, people did not follow theirs either.

Especially these:

"I am going to exercise every day” resolution or “I am going to lose X pounds this year” or “I am going to lose 5 pounds a month.”

And work-related resolutions?

The “I will write a post a day,” or “I will write a book before Summer,” or I will do X by Y time frame.

Ditto the very popular “I will be making $XXX a month by the end of March or April” type of resolution.

These resolutions generally do not work.

Why? We tend to set impossible resolutions or standards for ourselves. They are often more wishful thinking than actual planned-out behaviors. Not sticking to these resolutions may make us feel like failures so early in the new year, and yes, the ad people play into this guilt.

Watch ads early in the year and note those aimed at making us feel guilt and shame over NOT keeping resolutions. They may not be direct, but they are aimed at guilt making!!

my insteads

With two major professional degrees and several accolades, I know I am not a failure.

I actually CAN and DO accomplish things - but I have ceased the resolution-type thinking and adopted a more casual approach to my life. It took some hard work on my part to re-think the business/life model that keeps telling us we “need” to make a yearly, monthly, daily plan… or else!

I choose "or else"

Opting for the “or else” works for me!

Every choice can be the “correct way!"

I let my mind wander!

I now enjoy late December/early January as we get an added minutes of daylight every afternoon.

I use this light/dark scenario to reflect, have fun, and think about my work - but not make any of this into resolutions,
to-do lists, or anything tightly scheduled!

I do a non-journal kind of journaling

I call it my mental meandering but it’s more like a brain dump. This is one activity I do most every day but without the “I must do it” kind of thinking, so I often don't do this. And that’s okay!

Apple has made this easier for me as they released a journal app and I have started using that app - but still not every day - I figure a few days a week [maybe] works for me.

As we leap from 2017 to 2018, let me ask: why make January 1st the start of YOUR new year?

There.are many cultural and religious starts to a "new" year. Here for example, is a wikipedia article where you can look by month for the differing new year starts.

And personally, I can add several new year starting times. Most of my life has been spent in some sort of educational system or academia itself. Therefore one of my mental new year starts is usually September. And this happens to be a relatively shorter year because a school year is basically September through June.

Then there is our birthdate. We celebrate the ending of a particular year of life and the beginning of the next number. For many that is basically a start of another sort of year.

And of course there is the universally accepted January 1 new year. It comes with all sorts of hoopla these days and big celebrations - and for people in business [and even in their personal lives] it is a time where you get a lot of messages: "what are your New Year's resolutions"" what are you going to do differently in your business starting January 1?"" "what are your goals" "what are your plans" "You need a planner." The weeks before January 1 there were lots of planners for sale so that you could organize your entire year before January 1 rolled around.

And then, not surprisingly but rather appallingly negative, came a bunch of messages beginning around January 3rd or 4th that basically said now that you've already failed at all of those resolutions [a subtle "you loser you"] - it's time to buy my bright shiny object so that you get back on track and have a good year.

Yuck. Why do we try to talk people into making resolutions and promises to themselves when we know that most never keep any? Resolutions made for January 1 are generally doomed to failure for many reasons but mostly because they are set haphazardly and often under some peer pressure - online or in your offline life.

While I do live in a culture that has a major January 1 thing about it and I sometimes get caught up into thinking about "day 1" stuff I have come to the realization in my own head that I don't care what day of the week or year it is - or what number! - I was not going to get caught up in this "January 1 stuff!."

I decided I needed a mental health break from what I was doing and figured that I had several books to read, there were also some good football games on, cooking to do [I got a VitaMix as an early birthday gift] and I originally said I was going to make January 8th the start of MY year. But January 8th came with some fun social obligations, then January 9th just felt "off - so I decided that MY year was going to start on January 10th, a day that has no meaning at all to me - and so today I am saying happy new year to me and that's fine - but you, the reader, can pick your own date. This post is obviously published on January 10th - but if you're reading it in August or September hey it could work for you then - or even July - or even January 1. The point is that it doesn't matter - what matters is you stay true to you and stay on the path that you want that you choose and not what everyone else says you should choose.

Choose your own start to your own new year! Go for it!!

Questions? Comments? Thank you!!

Do you make resolutions? Do they work for you? Or if not - what do you do - if anything? Please comment below and thank you for reading.

Make any day the start of YOUR new year!

what I do instead

my insteads

I choose "or else"

I let my mind wander!

As we leap from 2017 to 2018, let me ask: why make January 1st the start of YOUR new year?

Choose your own start to your own new year! Go for it!!

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