Are You Part Of My Tribe?

what I do instead

Written By Lynn Dorman, Ph.D. | Musings, Smarter | 0 Comments

It’s THAT time of the year — again [sigh]

My inbox and social media feeds are filled with mail/posts selling me on the advantages of:

planners
courses about planning
products on how to use AI to make my year “better” “great” “etc.”
health-related info on starting the year off the “right” way
making resolutions [personal and business]
and more…

Except for the AI which is sort of new this year — the posting and the emails are the same every December and January.

But last year some of it started back earlier in the Fall because everyone knows:

“I have to get your attention about January 2024 in the middle of the summer or early fall or else you won't buy my product.”

It’s fine if you do the above - and even better if making resolutions works for you…

I no longer make them.

I used to.

I’d read a lot of that “how to succeed” stuff, that “guru” stuff, that “my friends say this works” stuff, and would make a list of what I would accomplish in the upcoming year….

Then at some point during the year, I’d look at my resolution list and laugh [or cry] as so little of it ever got done! Or done with any degree of consistency.

So I stopped making New Year resolutions. It seemed to not be good for my mental health OR my productivity. My brain doesn't like lists!!

I've discovered that I am not alone. Many, if not most, people did not follow theirs either.

Especially these:

"I am going to exercise every day” resolution or “I am going to lose X pounds this year” or “I am going to lose 5 pounds a month.”

And work-related resolutions?

The “I will write a post a day,” or “I will write a book before Summer,” or I will do X by Y time frame.

Ditto the very popular “I will be making $XXX a month by the end of March or April” type of resolution.

These resolutions generally do not work.

Why? We tend to set impossible resolutions or standards for ourselves. They are often more wishful thinking than actual planned-out behaviors. Not sticking to these resolutions may make us feel like failures so early in the new year, and yes, the ad people play into this guilt.

Watch ads early in the year and note those aimed at making us feel guilt and shame over NOT keeping resolutions. They may not be direct, but they are aimed at guilt making!!

my insteads

With two major professional degrees and several accolades, I know I am not a failure.

I actually CAN and DO accomplish things - but I have ceased the resolution-type thinking and adopted a more casual approach to my life. It took some hard work on my part to re-think the business/life model that keeps telling us we “need” to make a yearly, monthly, daily plan… or else!

I choose "or else"

Opting for the “or else” works for me!

Every choice can be the “correct way!"

I let my mind wander!

I now enjoy late December/early January as we get an added minutes of daylight every afternoon.

I use this light/dark scenario to reflect, have fun, and think about my work - but not make any of this into resolutions,
to-do lists, or anything tightly scheduled!

I do a non-journal kind of journaling

I call it my mental meandering but it’s more like a brain dump. This is one activity I do most every day but without the “I must do it” kind of thinking, so I often don't do this. And that’s okay!

Apple has made this easier for me as they released a journal app and I have started using that app - but still not every day - I figure a few days a week [maybe] works for me.

What's my tribe? That's a good question. I'm not sure anymore who or what is part of my tribe or cohort group or whatever because I belong to sell many. I have so many different types of friends, acquaintances, and people I just come in contact with. I've always had different groups that I "hang with" and do things with. This seems to be true even online where I hang out in groups with very different kinds of people.

So who is my tribe? Who's in my tribe? I guess anyone who feels that their part of the puzzle of life and the puzzle's solution[s]. People who help each other figure out what's going on in life people who help provide solutions to life's puzzles. You - my tribe - inspire me because you are elderly active engaged with the world and still making changes in your life add in the world around you. But because of the lives we lead we rarely meet and we almost do not ever talk to each other unless I know you personally. We just aren't found in large groups anywhere anymore.

In fact, more than half of us are not using social media. So I am not about to find a group of tribe members online who are quite my age. On the other hand, I have a lot of online friends who are younger and that's fine because we are all doing the same thing and age does not matter.

But for my long-term project of wanting to look at healthy aging, I am going to have to find people around my age who may or may not be online. But I hope that those of the younger cohorts who are online will be able to put me in touch with people my age so I can interview them for my aging project.

Who knows?
Maybe I can get them to be active online and then we can have a real tribe of us elders.

Comments? Thoughts? Thank you!!

This blog post is in response to Natalie’s 10 Day Freedom Plan Blog Challenge Day 6

Do you make resolutions? Do they work for you? Or if not - what do you do - if anything? Please comment below and thank you for reading.