This is an idea I have had in my head since years ago when working with suicidal male teens.
Most were suicidal because at ages 13, 14 or 15 they were experiencing a failure or a loss for the 1st time! No matter their background, they had never learned about failure.
And learning it when hormones are raging and your body is out-of-whack is not the best time developmentally to experience what you consider a major loss.
What were their losses?
- Being dumped by a girlfriend.
- Failing a class.
- Failing a test.
- Not getting a high enough grade.
- Not making the basketball team….
From an adult perspective we might not see these as major loses. But these boys were in a hospital because they did – and they wanted to end their lives!
As parents we want to help our kids and protect them from failure and here are 2 examples:
- we intentionally lose games so they win
- we do their homework so they get good grades or don't feel "bad"
But are we helping our kids?
Failure can be a learning experience – and part of growing up is learning that actions have consequences [both parental and child actions]
Parents, let your children lose that game when they are losing!
If you are capable of winning it – win it.
Yes they will probably have hissy fits but they will also learn a lot.
Talk to them about losing games and emphasize that a loss has no reflection on their worth as a person! And after a bit they know you lost on purpose anyway and that is an odd lesson!
Please don’t do their homework.
This is wrong on so many levels it needs a post of its own.
Help? Sure? But do all or most of it?
Whose homework is it?????
To be continued……..