what I do instead

Written By Lynn Dorman, Ph.D. | Musings | 4 Comments

It’s THAT time of the year — again [sigh]

My inbox and social media feeds are filled with mail/posts selling me on the advantages of:

planners
courses about planning
products on how to use AI to make my year “better” “great” “etc.”
health-related info on starting the year off the “right” way
making resolutions [personal and business]
and more…

Except for the AI which is sort of new this year — the posting and the emails are the same every December and January.

But last year some of it started back earlier in the Fall because everyone knows:

“I have to get your attention about January 2024 in the middle of the summer or early fall or else you won't buy my product.”

It’s fine if you do the above - and even better if making resolutions works for you…

I no longer make them.

I used to.

I’d read a lot of that “how to succeed” stuff, that “guru” stuff, that “my friends say this works” stuff, and would make a list of what I would accomplish in the upcoming year….

Then at some point during the year, I’d look at my resolution list and laugh [or cry] as so little of it ever got done! Or done with any degree of consistency.

So I stopped making New Year resolutions. It seemed to not be good for my mental health OR my productivity. My brain doesn't like lists!!

I've discovered that I am not alone. Many, if not most, people did not follow theirs either.

Especially these:

"I am going to exercise every day” resolution or “I am going to lose X pounds this year” or “I am going to lose 5 pounds a month.”

And work-related resolutions?

The “I will write a post a day,” or “I will write a book before Summer,” or I will do X by Y time frame.

Ditto the very popular “I will be making $XXX a month by the end of March or April” type of resolution.

These resolutions generally do not work.

Why? We tend to set impossible resolutions or standards for ourselves. They are often more wishful thinking than actual planned-out behaviors. Not sticking to these resolutions may make us feel like failures so early in the new year, and yes, the ad people play into this guilt.

Watch ads early in the year and note those aimed at making us feel guilt and shame over NOT keeping resolutions. They may not be direct, but they are aimed at guilt making!!

my insteads

With two major professional degrees and several accolades, I know I am not a failure.

I actually CAN and DO accomplish things - but I have ceased the resolution-type thinking and adopted a more casual approach to my life. It took some hard work on my part to re-think the business/life model that keeps telling us we “need” to make a yearly, monthly, daily plan… or else!

I choose "or else"

Opting for the “or else” works for me!

Every choice can be the “correct way!"

I let my mind wander!

I now enjoy late December/early January as we get an added minutes of daylight every afternoon.

I use this light/dark scenario to reflect, have fun, and think about my work - but not make any of this into resolutions,
to-do lists, or anything tightly scheduled!

I do a non-journal kind of journaling

I call it my mental meandering but it’s more like a brain dump. This is one activity I do most every day but without the “I must do it” kind of thinking, so I often don't do this. And that’s okay!

Apple has made this easier for me as they released a journal app and I have started using that app - but still not every day - I figure a few days a week [maybe] works for me.

What's in a name?

According to Shakespeare’s Juliet:

What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.

But we do like our names and we do have attachments to them.

Most of us don’t think we’d “smell as sweet” with a different name – well – except that when women get married, some do change their name and of course many people do change their first, middle and/or last names for something they deem “sweeter.”

I do, though, think most people develop a liking or attachment to the name[s] they were given.

Sometimes we prefer our middle names to our given ones, but there are those who were never given a middle name or an “official” middle name.

As one Facebook friend, Melissa Galt, said in response to a post about figuring out your yogi name: “I never bemoaned not having a middle name until now. Raja Discovery is just not me!”

Does not having a middle name make a difference to you? Would you add one to feel something is more “you?” Even if the something is a better yogi name?

What IS your feeling about your name or names?

Would you change it? Add to it? Subtract from it?

On a personal note – and why Melissa’s comment hit home and got me to write this – I was raised to think I had a middle name. As a kid, I used that initial on everything – including my then teenage application for a Social Security Card so I could work.

Imagine my surprise then when, as an adult, I got a copy of my official birth certificate.

NO. MIDDLE. NAME.

Abruptly, I stopped using the initial. It was not part of my legal name -and it is less writing when you have to fill out forms or sign something….
But…and it’s a huge but…. “the” initial is on my Medicare and Social Security accounts and a few other non-governmental cards like my one from REI.

I’ve thought of going back and letting the powers-that-be know about the lack of that middle initial – but dealing with bureaucracy and filling out forms is not how I wish to spend my time…so I still have the initial as part of my “official government ID” and am glad I don’t live in a state that would not let me vote or drive due to this potential alleged identity issue.

And if I ever have to make the change? I’ll do it then……

Thoughts? Comments? Thank you.

Do you make resolutions? Do they work for you? Or if not - what do you do - if anything? Please comment below and thank you for reading.

And if I had one it would be Delilah, I’ve always loved that name and shortened to Lilah is equally lovely. Nothing to do with Samson, still looking for him!

Never figured out why anyone needed a middle name until the Yogi name exercise! LOL

Lynn Dorman, Ph.D. says:

07/29/2012 at 6:42 pm

Hi Melissa – thank you for the comment and the the idea! You never know what stimulus will trigger our brains [but I doubt anyone would list yogi names as a stimulus :-)]

So Deliah – go forth and enjoy….

Lynn

OR, you could just have your name legally changed to reflect the middle name you never had.

Lynn Dorman, Ph.D. says:

07/28/2012 at 4:47 pm

Thanks for your comment Donald – but I am happy to leave all as it now stands – unless some gov’t entity complains about the ID 🙂

Lynn

What’s In A Name?

what I do instead

my insteads

I choose "or else"

I let my mind wander!

What's in a name?

But we do like our names and we do have attachments to them.

Thoughts? Comments? Thank you.

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