Family secrets: a topic I have had in my head for decades.
Growing up, I learned that my father’s family had Native American heritage – but it was not to be discussed, as it was a family secret!
When I asked my paternal relatives about it – I got told, “We don’t talk about that!”
end. of. conversation.
I may not have asked more questions of them – but the topic sure stayed in my head. And no I have not done much genealogical research – but I do poke around the web seeking information.
Then my mother’s family – always a mystery. Her paternal relatives did not like the woman their son married so there was little interaction [or so I was told.] Her father died when my mom was young and my grandmother would never speak of her spouse’s family so that too was an
end. of. conversation.
But – as it turned out – my father’s family had yet another secret!
My cousins and I knew our grandmother had a sister – we called her Aunt Sadie. As she lived near my grandparents, she was at all the family functions – and as far as we knew, she was the only sibling.
But not that many years ago I learned that her family included even more siblings!
My grandmother had another sister who lived and died in relatively close physical proximity to my her! Some of us, her children and grandchildren, sort of knew there was a relative who was married to a wealthy man but the exact “relation” was one of those family secrets.
Only after this woman died, and without a will, did we get to know the exact relationship. She was my grandmother’s and Aunt Sadie’s sister! We knew this only because as she died without a will, we, the grandchildren, stood to inherit her estate.
We had to prove we were related to her and that there were no other relatives in closer gemological proximity. To that end, our attorney hired a genealogist who researched my grandmother’s family.
Wow! Sitting in that Manhattan courtroom listening to the genealogist was funny and sad – at the same time.
Family secrets? Tons of them!
I’m not going into all of it here as there are many many hours of her testimony, but the one I do want to mention is that my grandmother had at least 8 siblings!
I will always wonder what happened to those relatives – the records are spotty and incomplete – but my psychology head has a wild time imagining all the possible whys that led this family to get so secretive.
What other secrets were there that kept siblings living near each other but not in contact? What kept the remaining NYC sister from seeking out her sister’s grandchildren?
Many questions…but no answers……
There are “secrets” for sure. Many my family actually enjoys sharing!
Then there are others that I’m just now finding out as I reconnect with my uncle and his side of the family. My dad and uncle didn’t get along so we didn’t spend much time interacting with that side of the family. Now I’m gaining a whole new perspective on what life was like for my dad growing up!
Glad you can discuss them – and enjoy them too. In my family, all the “secret keepers” are now dead and I guess the secrets died with them. Sad but I’m finding secrets to be pretty common. Tnx for your comment
interesting and sad, as alessa said.
if it would be my family, i would not only be interested in the secrets and happy that some of them have been solved.
but i would also be very interested in the fact: “why are those facts being kept secretly? why didn.t the parents want to talk about it?”
it is something to hide about 8 siblings all of the life.
i am curious, would like to hear more about the family story.
Thank you Helen – I will write more – some from what I know and some from my imagination [and genealogical digging] as all the original family I mentioned are now dead.
Thank you for your kind words. As an ex-therapist, I recall hearing secrets [those too are still in my head] but I have also found that many friends have these secrets – and as you suggest – they are invisible. When I speak to them about mine – they start remembering theirs – [or they feel they can finally say theirs out loud.] Think I’ll write more on this…
So sad to think that things need to be kept secret – one’s heritage or the existence of family members. Glad you were able to START to unravel some of the answers….
Thank you Carolina – the big problem is that all the original family who knew the secrets are long dead. I have done some genealogical digging on my own but it seems when you want to keep a secret it can be kept.
Wow… that’s amazing Lynn! And yet every now and then, I hear stories a bit like yours because I am a psychologist/counselor and have a mind for piecing people’s emotional lives together. Another thing that’s fascinating is that in my experience, we unconsciously know this information on some level even if we don’t consciously know it… we keep hitting against invisible walls you could say!
Very interesting blog and thank you for sharing your fascinating personal story
Lots of love
Vanessa