what I do instead

Written By Lynn Dorman, Ph.D. | Musings | 6 Comments

It’s THAT time of the year — again [sigh]

My inbox and social media feeds are filled with mail/posts selling me on the advantages of:

planners
courses about planning
products on how to use AI to make my year “better” “great” “etc.”
health-related info on starting the year off the “right” way
making resolutions [personal and business]
and more…

Except for the AI which is sort of new this year — the posting and the emails are the same every December and January.

But last year some of it started back earlier in the Fall because everyone knows:

“I have to get your attention about January 2024 in the middle of the summer or early fall or else you won't buy my product.”

It’s fine if you do the above - and even better if making resolutions works for you…

I no longer make them.

I used to.

I’d read a lot of that “how to succeed” stuff, that “guru” stuff, that “my friends say this works” stuff, and would make a list of what I would accomplish in the upcoming year….

Then at some point during the year, I’d look at my resolution list and laugh [or cry] as so little of it ever got done! Or done with any degree of consistency.

So I stopped making New Year resolutions. It seemed to not be good for my mental health OR my productivity. My brain doesn't like lists!!

I've discovered that I am not alone. Many, if not most, people did not follow theirs either.

Especially these:

"I am going to exercise every day” resolution or “I am going to lose X pounds this year” or “I am going to lose 5 pounds a month.”

And work-related resolutions?

The “I will write a post a day,” or “I will write a book before Summer,” or I will do X by Y time frame.

Ditto the very popular “I will be making $XXX a month by the end of March or April” type of resolution.

These resolutions generally do not work.

Why? We tend to set impossible resolutions or standards for ourselves. They are often more wishful thinking than actual planned-out behaviors. Not sticking to these resolutions may make us feel like failures so early in the new year, and yes, the ad people play into this guilt.

Watch ads early in the year and note those aimed at making us feel guilt and shame over NOT keeping resolutions. They may not be direct, but they are aimed at guilt making!!

my insteads

With two major professional degrees and several accolades, I know I am not a failure.

I actually CAN and DO accomplish things - but I have ceased the resolution-type thinking and adopted a more casual approach to my life. It took some hard work on my part to re-think the business/life model that keeps telling us we “need” to make a yearly, monthly, daily plan… or else!

I choose "or else"

Opting for the “or else” works for me!

Every choice can be the “correct way!"

I let my mind wander!

I now enjoy late December/early January as we get an added minutes of daylight every afternoon.

I use this light/dark scenario to reflect, have fun, and think about my work - but not make any of this into resolutions,
to-do lists, or anything tightly scheduled!

I do a non-journal kind of journaling

I call it my mental meandering but it’s more like a brain dump. This is one activity I do most every day but without the “I must do it” kind of thinking, so I often don't do this. And that’s okay!

Apple has made this easier for me as they released a journal app and I have started using that app - but still not every day - I figure a few days a week [maybe] works for me.

Who do you admire? Who do I admire?

It's not as easy to answer as it is to ask.

There are people I have admired over my lifetime each for a very different thing. Many of them I have forgotten about unless I actively sit and recall who they were and why I admired them at the time.

Who do you admire? Who do I admire? It's not as easy to answer as it is to ask. So I ran back through my life and thought about a specific for people who probably had the most impact on me. At least these are the ones I can think of now. I'm sure tomorrow and the day after I'll come up with a longer list - but this is it for today

In order oF appearance In My LIFE

5th or 6th grade teacher

One I admired was a teacher from grammar school - who I really admire to this day but I don't remember her name. She encouraged all of us, but especially the girls in the class, to show our smartness. A rarity back then!

professor/friend/colleague

There was a professor in graduate school who became a good friend and colleague and we remained such until she died several years ago. She was the person who got me very involved in politics, in psychology and writing, and many other things for which I will always be thankful.

my son

I have always loved my son but now I can admire him as well. He is a very brilliant person and I love having discussions with him, mostly about politics and life but about other things as well. He turned into a super great adult. Sometimes I wonder how that happened with me as his mother but hey he did it.

my daughter-in-law

Many years ago while visiting me, my son met a woman and they have been together ever since. I admire her because she is so generous to all she considers family and now that they are living near me, that includes several of my friends and neighbors..

Comments? Thoughts? Thank you. Comment section is down at the bottom of the page....

Do you make resolutions? Do they work for you? Or if not - what do you do - if anything? Please comment below and thank you for reading.

I admire Jaime Raskin, head of the Impeachment Committee, this time around. His son committed suicide at the end of December 2020. and he came close to losing the rest of his family during 1/6/2021 insurrection. He is like a wolf after her prey. For good reason.

Lynn Dorman, Ph.D. says:

02/05/2021 at 12:22 pm

Thank you. I sobbed when I read Jamie’s article about his son. I lived in the part of DC that is adjacent to Takoma Park Maryland but I didn’t really know him, my friends over they do and they say he really is a great person. That his son died right before the insurrection just made everything harder for me to deal with that week. He is a very good person to admire.

I really enjoyed this post. So many people enter our life who make tremendous influence on us. I feel the same way you do about my children. I admire them so much now that they are adults.

Lynn Dorman, Ph.D. says:

02/04/2021 at 11:19 am

Thank you – yes having adult children we admire is a great part of our ow adulthood.

I’ve never made a list of people I admire. Thanks for sharing yours.

Lynn Dorman, Ph.D. says:

02/03/2021 at 5:52 pm

Thank you – I was going to skip today’s blog post but then I thought – no let me try answering the prompt and this is what came out.

Admiration Over A Lifetime