The other day, I called my cable provider to cancel my account. 

You might think this should be easy.  Nope!!

First I had a push it a whole bunch of numbers on my cell phone to get connected to the right person and in that time I also was subjected to loud commercials for TV programs I would never ever watch.

Finally I reached a live person who asked me for the exact same information that I get already been asked to punch into the telephone – so I told her she already had that info. 

She asked why I was canceling and I said I no longer needed their services. 

She started asking more questions about why I was canceling and I said "I don't think I really need to tell you why can you please just cancel my account."

Of course, though,  I can't cancel with her [she only works in billing] – I had to be transferred to "customer loyalty."

Customer loyalty started our conversation by asking me for the exact same information that had already been available to her before the call got transferred. When I reminded her of this she said she had to make sure she was speaking to the correct person and I told her I was the exact same person who just got transferred to her from the other person and all I want to do is cancel my account. PLEASE!!

She asked me if there was a problem. Please – can I please just cancel my account.

Again. Was there a problem? At this point I asked her if she ever googled her own company's name to see that no one likes them.

Her – I am sorry you had a problem.

Me – no you aren't sorry – if you were you would not repeat the same problems with everyone!

Her – I'm sorry you had problems – were they resolved?

Me –  Yes – by letting you know that my next step was to inform the Attorney General!

Her – I'm sorry [must be the company mantra]

Me – I want to cancel my account.

Her – OK

Me – what is the order number?

Her – it's a long niumber

Me – I can write long numbers

While this "conversation" was going on, a message was being left on my phone.

What was the message? A call from this company asking me to press 1 to answer some questions about the service I received…WTF? And the message repeated 3 or 4 times before that call hung up!

I feel like sending them a bill for the almost half hour it took me to cancel my account!

Hmm – think I will do just that!!

Meanwhile I am enjoying a TV free,

cable free existence!!!!