{"id":1187,"date":"2012-07-09T11:37:47","date_gmt":"2012-07-09T18:37:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.graywolfproductions.com\/parenting201\/?p=1187"},"modified":"2012-07-09T11:37:47","modified_gmt":"2012-07-09T18:37:47","slug":"allowing-failure","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.graywolfproductions.com\/parenting201\/allowing-failure","title":{"rendered":"Allowing Failure"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"This is an idea I have had in my head since years ago when working with suicidal male teens. <\/span><\/span><\/h1>\n

 <\/p>\n

Most were suicidal because at ages 13, 14 or 15 they were experiencing a failure or a loss for the 1st time! No matter their background, they had never learned about failure. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And learning it when hormones are raging and your body is out-of-whack is not the best time developmentally to experience what you consider a major loss.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

What were their losses?<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

    \n
  • Being dumped by a girlfriend.<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
  • Failing a class. <\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
  • Failing a test.<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
  • Not getting a high enough grade.<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
  • Not making the basketball team….<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    From an adult perspective we might not see these as major loses. But these boys were in a hospital because they did – and they wanted to end their lives! <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

    As parents we want to help our kids and protect them from failure and here are 2 examples:<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

      \n
    • we intentionally lose games so they win<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
    • we do their homework so they get good grades or don't feel "bad"<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

      But are we helping our kids? <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

      Failure can be a learning experience – and part of growing up is learning that actions have consequences [both parental and child actions] <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

      Parents, let your children lose that game when they are losing!
      \n<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

      If you are capable of winning it – win it. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

      Yes they will probably have hissy fits but they will also learn a lot. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

      Talk to them about losing games and emphasize that a loss has no reflection on their worth as a person! And after a bit they know you lost on purpose anyway and that is an odd lesson!<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

      \"homeowrk\"<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

      Please don’t do their homework. <\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

      This is wrong on so many levels it needs a post of its own. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

      Help? Sure? But do all or most of it? <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

      Whose homework is it?????<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

      To be continued……..<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

      Thoughts? comments? thank you<\/h3>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      This is an idea I have had in my head since years ago when working with suicidal male teens.   Most were suicidal because at ages 13, 14 or 15 they were experiencing a failure or a loss for the 1st time! No matter their background, they had never learned about failure.   And learning […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[283,494],"tags":[532,307,508,510,512,385,480,360,409,511,509],"class_list":["post-1187","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-child-development","category-parenting-2","tag-child-development","tag-child-rearing","tag-failure","tag-games","tag-homework","tag-human-interest","tag-parenting","tag-parents","tag-psychology","tag-sports","tag-teen-suicide","post-wrapper","thrv_wrapper"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.graywolfproductions.com\/parenting201\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1187","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.graywolfproductions.com\/parenting201\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.graywolfproductions.com\/parenting201\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.graywolfproductions.com\/parenting201\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.graywolfproductions.com\/parenting201\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1187"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.graywolfproductions.com\/parenting201\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1187\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.graywolfproductions.com\/parenting201\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1187"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.graywolfproductions.com\/parenting201\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1187"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.graywolfproductions.com\/parenting201\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1187"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}