PETS!They are better than family at times……

​As far back as I can recall in my life as a developmental psychologist, I have included pets as part of the family when I teach psychology courses.Maybe it’s because I have always had pets and loved them or maybe I always knew that pets were important members of the family psychologically.

Anyway I was very happy to see this research on pets:

Children who are facing adversity, such as illness or parents splitting up, are more likely to confide in their pet than brothers or sisters, according to research.

This does not surprise any of us with pets…..and it fits with what we know about service dogs – especially service dogs for those with issues like PTSD such as ex-military personnel.

The researcher added that the children turned to their pets more than they did to their friends or family even though they knew that the pets did not understand what they were saying.

 Many of us, including myself, would not agree with the part about the pets not understanding – we think they do. Dogs and cats seem to know exactly what is going on with their humans.

Thoughts?  Comments?

3 tips for new parents to help you lessen guilt

Tip 1 – Stop chatting with everyone

Everyone has parenting advice – even people who have never had kids!

You start getting this mostly-unsolicited advice when you are pregnant because unless you never look pregnant, you are a target for child rearing advice.

t’s part of the human psyche to offer advice to pregnant women – and it’s been done since way back when.

Here’s the way it usually goes:

h, you’re pregnant. That’s great. I know a good pediatrician – her name is…or there are such good new toys for newborns – you can get them at… or have you heard about the new music to play while you are pregnant – it will make your child a genius – and by the way – do you know if you’re having a girl or a boy?

You almost can’t avoid this onslaught of advice – so best to be polite and say “thank you” – but do not engage in the conversation.

[This onslaught continues if you have a baby or toddler with you so practice now.]

If you engage – you are caught for a long chat about babies!

Tip 2 stop reading every book or magazine you find on parenting

Google “books on parenting advice” and you will find 1000’s of sites! You cannot read them all – even in several lifetimes. Don’t even try.

Tip 3 trust yourself

Stop and ask yourself who will be raising your baby? The people with advice?  The books?

• Who will responsible for making the moment-to-moment decisions?
• Who will feed?
• Who will diaper?
• Who will play with?

That baby is YOURS!

You the parent[s] have to trust yourself at some point and you can start right now.

Comments? Thoughts?

In the USA there are many parents who have gotten into a behavior that I call “competitive parenting.”

This competing has been around for a while – but now seems to have gotten worse – and it has spread into many more areas of a child’s development. 

Even into areas over which a parent has little control!

We hear of parents signing up their not-yet-born children for the “best” nursery schools so as to ensure future entrance to colleges such as Harvard or Yale.

What a burden on that child! What if that child does not want to go to those schools – or heaven forbid – does not want to go to college at all? Or is not accepted?

We have parents pressuring children to get “good” grades as early as nursery school and kindergarten. I knew of a child who got ulcers in the 1st grade because she “only” got an A- or B+ on some assignments and her parents were making her study more so as to raise that to a solid A [no minus marks or B’s allowed in that family.]

Somehow making sure your child is seen as better than and faster than “those other children” either makes you seem like a better parent or proves your child is genius [and of course that will reflect back on you the genius parent.]

Please stop it!

Kids have enough to do just to develop…they don’t need added pressure from parents trying to prove something to the world.

Next – competition around weaning and toilet training…..

Thoughts? Comments? Thank you.

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Please be patient – I'm still setting up the process of getting you the chapter

From way back when I was in graduate school until today I have advocated for good prenatal maternal health as it does help reduce premature births!

Being born prematurely is, in itself, the cause of many developmental problems through life.

But some politicians and other policy makers have always said:  Nope – no care for pregnant women – not on our dime!!  Which is an odd stance since prenatal care is less expensive than a newborn's intensive care. 

I will keep advocating for better health and better nutrition for everyone for the rest of my life – because I care about human development! 

And because these many many years later – we still have statistics like this:

The world's developed countries have seen their average rate of premature births double to 6 percent since 1995, despite efforts to reduce the phenomenon…

And the United States? Were we think we have superior health care? We rank 130th out of the 184 countries in the study!

What starts labor is still an unknown. What we do know is that keeping a fetus inside for the duration or a normal pregnancy – about 40 weeks is the best for the baby. 

As this study says:

The ultimate solution — keeping every baby in the womb for 40 weeks – is a challenge. Improving maternal health by treating high blood pressure and infections would help, as would changing obstetrical practices so labor is not induced early for non-medical reasons.

"We still don't know a lot about how to prevent preterm birth," Howson said. "We need vigorous, targeted research into its causes."

 

Thoughts? Comments? Thank you!

I've written a lot about obesity and why it is detrimental to your children.  [Some of these posts are listed below in the area for related posts.]

Here, I’m suggesting a few ways you can start better eating habits in your own family – starting with things you can control:

• your own kitchen
• your own food
• your own children

Keep healthy, more natural, food around the house. If there is no candy, no soda, and no sugar-laden cereal – the kids will not be eating it.

Get daily exercise – play with your kids – toss balls, chase each other, run around the house, apartment, yard or street, take walks together [especially easy if you have a dog.]

Limit the amount of time in front of the TV and have a rule of NO FOOD while watching TV. This is for the adults too – we tend to munch mindlessly when we watch TV.

Drink more water. Many times we think we are hungry but we are really in need of hydration from water. Skip the sodas completely – they don’t count as hydration! And they have not-so-good stuff in them [read the label] and they do not-so-good stuff to our bodies.

Cook with your kids. Cook up a storm with your kids one day a week and freezing the foods makes it very easy to have good, healthy and fast meals all week. Microwaves are good defrosters – but if you do not have one, take out the frozen meals in the morning and they will defrost by dinnertime.

Yes there may be more of a mess – but your kids will have had fun, be eating healthier foods – and you know what? have them help clean up the mess…that’s part of cooking too.

There is more info and more suggestions in my ebook: It's Not Always Baby Fat