what I do instead

Written By Lynn Dorman, Ph.D.  |  Musings  |  0 Comments

list of resolutions

It’s THAT time of the year — again [sigh]

My inbox and social media feeds are filled with mail/posts selling me on the advantages of:

  • planners
  • courses about planning
  • products on how to use AI to make my year “better” “great” “etc.”
  • health-related info on starting the year off the “right” way
  • making resolutions [personal and business]
  • and more…

Except for the AI which is sort of new this year — the posting and the emails are the same every December and January.

But last year some of it started back earlier in the Fall because everyone knows:

“I have to get your attention about January 2024 in the middle of the summer or early fall or else you won't buy my product.”

It’s fine if you do the above - and even better if making resolutions works for you…

I no longer make them.

I used to.

I’d read a lot of that “how to succeed” stuff, that “guru” stuff, that “my friends say this works” stuff, and would make a list of what I would accomplish in the upcoming year….

Then at some point during the year, I’d look at my resolution list and laugh [or cry] as so little of it ever got done! Or done with any degree of consistency.

So I stopped making New Year resolutions. It seemed to not be good for my mental health OR my productivity. My brain doesn't like lists!!

I've discovered that I am not alone. Many, if not most, people did not follow theirs either.

Especially these:

"I am going to exercise every day” resolution or “I am going to lose X pounds this year” or “I am going to lose 5 pounds a month.”


And work-related resolutions?

The “I will write a post a day,” or “I will write a book before Summer,” or I will do X by Y time frame.

Ditto the very popular “I will be making $XXX a month by the end of March or April” type of resolution.

These resolutions generally do not work.

Why? We tend to set impossible resolutions or standards for ourselves. They are often more wishful thinking than actual planned-out behaviors. Not sticking to these resolutions may make us feel like failures so early in the new year, and yes, the ad people play into this guilt.

Watch ads early in the year and note those aimed at making us feel guilt and shame over NOT keeping resolutions. They may not be direct, but they are aimed at guilt making!!

my insteads 

With two major professional degrees and several accolades, I know I am not a failure.

I actually CAN and DO accomplish things - but I have ceased the resolution-type thinking and adopted a more casual approach to my life. It took some hard work on my part to re-think the business/life model that keeps telling us we “need” to make a yearly, monthly, daily plan… or else!


I choose "or else"


Opting for the “or else” works for me! 

Every choice can be the “correct way!"


I let my mind wander!

I now enjoy late December/early January as we get an added minutes of daylight every afternoon. 

I use this light/dark scenario to reflect, have fun, and think about my work - but not make any of this into resolutions,
to-do lists, or anything tightly scheduled!


I do a non-journal kind of journaling

I call it my mental meandering but it’s more like a brain dump. This is one activity I do most every day but without the “I must do it” kind of thinking, so I often don't do this. And that’s okay!

Apple has made this easier for me as they released a journal app and I have started using that app - but still not every day - I figure a few days a week [maybe] works for me.

JFK50 years ago, I was in my 1st year of graduate school in Boston, Massachusetts.

50 years ago, President Kennedy was assassinated.

50 years is a long time but I still have one odd, yet powerful, memory of that day.

It was a Friday and in the days before ATM machines so in order to have cash for the upcoming weekend, I needed to walk to my bank and get some. It was a Friday routine for me.

I knew that Kennedy had been shot, and was dead.  That had a major impact on my psyche…on the psyche of all I was with that day – but I still needed cash.

Walking to the bank – Shawmut Bank in Kenmore Square – was a surreal experience. I think I know what an out-of-body experience feels like after that day… Here I was, doing what was a mundane, but necessary task, and the President had been assassinated. I felt like like I was walking in some alternate time zone where life was ok…I wondered if the others walking or driving by me were aware of what happened as we all seemed so normal, doing normal activities.

This surreal experience can be recalled easily on the anniversary of the assassination – but is stronger this year, as it falls on a Friday – and it is the 50 year anniversary.

Sadly, little did I know that this was the beginning of a series of assassinations that rocked my days in Boston…..

 

Do you make resolutions? Do they work for you? Or if not - what do you do - if anything? Please comment below and thank you for reading.  

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